- Dogs hear us talk all day but if they bark for more than a minute we tell them to stop.
- If a german landed on the island in WonderWoman and said terrible things about the Allies would she have fought for them?
- Gyms that really want to help you get in shape should make a membership package where you pay every time you don’t go.
- Adds that play in the middle of videos make me hate the product no matter what it is.
- I wonder if anyone has donated blood, then gotten into an accident and received their own blood.
- I never realize how much I take being healthy for granted until I get sick.
- For someone who’s nervous around dogs, saying they only bite if they sense you’re afraid isn’t very reassuring.
- When you put a book open-faced on the floor to save your spot you are using the entire world as a bookmark.
- The reason we don’t see Lamborghini’s, Ferrari’s and other expensive cars in commercials is because the people who can afford them don’t sit around watching T.V. all day.
- Birthday presents are rewards for surviving that year.
- Heck is for people who don’t believe in gosh.
- I can correct autocorrect more than it accurately autocorrects me.
- World records will become a lot less impressive once we travel to other planets.
- Dragons don’t need to brush their teeth because the fire instantly kills any bacteria on them.
Acronyms for Everyone (AFE) is
- Windows Vista: Viruses, Intruders, Spyware, Trojans, Adware.
- CSI: Can’t Stop Investigating!
- FINALS: F#@* I Never Actually Learned S#@*
- BMW: Big Money Waster
- School: Seven/six Cruel Hours Of Our Life
- Bing: Bing Is Not Google
- Class: Come Late And Start Sleeping
- Denial: Don’t Even Know I Am Lying
- Diet: Did I Eat That?
- England: Every New Guy Leaves After 90 Days
- Ford: Fix Or Repair Daily
- France: Friendship Remains And Never Ends
- Haters: Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success
- Kia: Korean Industrial Accident
- Lame: Laughable And Mildly Entertaining
- Life: Living Isn’t Freaking Easy
- Maid: Mother Actually In Disguise
- Math: Mental Abuse To Humans
- BOSS: Built On Self Success
- Swag: Showing the World All your Greatness
Fake Quotes
“If you dont try, you can’t fail.”-Benjamin Franklin
“I don’t treat people badly, I treat them accordingly.”-George Washington
“It’s not just a bad day its a bad life.”-Alexander Hamilton
“Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes that reason is that you are being dumb and make bad decisions.”-You’re annoying roommate
“Life is tough, but so are you.”-Abraham Lincoln
“Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate, things I said.”- President Nixon
“Hey! bad decisions make great stories!”-Famous last words
“Hold my beer watch this!”-Famous last words
“The reason why Monday is the worst day of the week is because, today is not Friday, tomorrow is not Friday, and even the day after that is not Friday.”-Every Student in the World
“I hug people that I hate so I know how big to dig the hole in my backyard.”-The Illuminati
“That’s a horrible idea! Wait, but what time?”-Donald Trump
“The human body has over seven trillion nerves, and some people get on every single one of them.”-Bernie Sanders
“A girl said she would text me when she got home. She must be homeless.”-Gary Johnson
“Your close friends are really just your close enemies.”-Hillary Clinton
“The president hates it when I shorten his name to Dick, especially because his name is Donald Trump”-Hillary Clinton
“Some people just need a high five, in the face, with something heavy.”-My therapist
“Here’s the thing, i’m a nice person, and if i’m mean to you, you need to ask yourself why.”-Donald Trump
“I’m not a bad guy, i’m just a guy who hits innocent ladies with my car.”-Michael Scott (The Office)
*Not actual or accurate things the people said. Intended for comic humor.
#fakenews
The Bored List
This is a compilation of things for you to do while bored in class:
- Pull out a dictionary and yell, “Darn! I lost my page!”
- Chew on anything you can get your hands on.
- Get up and poke someone and say, “Tag you’re it.” Then casually walk back to your seat.
- Start a wave.
- Sharpen your pencil every 30 seconds.
- Randomly point at anything and start laughing.
- Stare at someone then, once they look back at you stare at the ceiling and try and get him or her to look up.
- Repeat everything the teacher says and insist you are taking “mental notes”
- Shoot up and point at the window and yell, “JESUS CHRIST IT’S JASON BORN!”
- Stand up and announce your decision to join the military.
- Pick one word and click a pen or band a desk every time a teacher says it.
- Raise your hand and ask the same question rephrased six times.
- Wait until the teacher says something totally unimportant while teaching a lesson and yell, “OH, NOW I GET IT!”
- On your next work sheet write the person sitting next to yours name at the top.
- While testing shout at the person to your left, “NO IM NOT GIVING THE ANSWER TO NUMBER 24!”
